Isn’t it amazing what we hear from others?

That is, if we really listen.

My friend Rod met with his regular doctor the other day. He received all the good news. He told me that while he chatted with his doctor she asked him if he knew how many young men he had mentored. This led to the comment about the many times that we do not know the impact that we have on others’ lives. Rod concluded by telling me that his doctor finishes every lecture that she gives to new medical school students with this quote, “Keep your eye on the patients; and they will grant you a front row seat on their lives.”

What does this have to do with you?

Why don’t you change the quotation to read, “Keep your eyes on your clients; and they will grant you a front row seat on their lives?”

What type of service do you offer?

This question is due to a recent experience with my internet provider.

I was having a small challenge so I called their service department. Sadly the technical support person did not know anything about service or listening skills. Every time I said something, his response was ‘I agree with you, but…’ It is the ‘but’ that was the challenge. When people say the word ‘but’ after agreeing what they are saying is ‘but you are wrong’. All that he had to say was ‘I agree with you, and did you consider this‘. Then he would have had me, and we could have had a discussion.

The next time you are in a discussion with someone of the opposite view, watch yourself and the other person for how many times the word ‘but’ is used. Then change your response from the word ‘but’ to ‘and’ and you will see an improvement in how the other person listens to you.

When can you do this, today?

What are you doing to understand the needs of others?

You realize that you were born with one mouth and two ears for a reason, don’t you?

The other day I was in an appointment with a prospective client. You could see that she was somewhat uneasy about me being with her. I am sure she was expecting a sales pitch, but it never happened. While I am a very passionate person about what I do, I asked her questions in order to find out the company situation. Her answers helped me tremendously as I found out particular areas of concern that she had in her company.

At the end of our appointment she had calmed down entirely and was more of a friend than she was at the beginning of our discussion. Isn’t this the best way to start a potential business relationship?

What can you do today to get people to open up more to you?

Do you understand what I am saying?

It all depends on the type of listener you are, doesn’t it.

If you are the boss/owner of your business you lead the way in teaching listening by example. How do you listen to your employees? I ask that question because how you listen to their needs will be reflected by them to potential clients or other employees.

Let me give you what I believe are the four types of listening;

• Inactive listening – when you grunt a number of times during a conversation but have paid no attention to the speaker.
• Selective listening – when you fade out and fade into a conversation, you only hear parts of it thus you are not well enough informed to respond.
• Active listening – when you are involved with the conversation and ask question to seek further clarification.
• Empathic listening – when you feel the emotions of the speaker thus you feel their pain or joy.

So what type of a listener are you?

Can you see how your listening skills will have a great impact on the speaker?

“Are you really listening to me?”

This is what everyone is thinking when they are talking to you.

So how do you show that you are really listening? Do you just sit there expressionless? Or do you use active listening skills?

Active listening skills are the fundamental interpersonal skills any person can use. Without these skills you would not be effective in any relationship. There are two areas of active listening skills. The first one is probing skills, they are used to investigate and expand what the speaker has said. The second area is supporting skills; they are techniques that acknowledge what has been said.

Probing skills demonstrate your willingness to listen and shows your interest in what the person is saying. You can use open-ended questions like ‘why’, ‘when’ and ‘how’. Supporting skills reward the person meaningfully for continuing the discussion. You can use statements like; ‘I agree with you.” or ‘I can feel your pain.’

When you start using these techniques you will begin to see the positive impact it will have on those you are speaking with.

When can you begin to improve your active listening skills?