Have you ever noticed how many times you say ‘but’ in a conversation?

Many years ago I took a course on influencing and the instructor advised all of us that the word ‘but’ is a influence killer.

The reason for this is that when you say the word ‘but’, what people are hearing is ‘but you are wrong’. When you are having any discussion or negotiation with a person and you contradict what they have just said, how do you think this discussion is going to end up?

So is there a word that could improve the situation? Thankfully yes! The word is a small word, the word is ‘and’. The word ‘and’ is an inclusive word. Let me give you an example.

You are discussing some ideas with a person. Your discussion partner says “I know that we should do this, this and this.” You have two options to your response;

• You can say, “But what about this.” or
• You can say “I know what you mean, and ...”

By saying the word ‘and’ you have not degraded what they have said you have brought up a point from your perspective. This type of communication will build rapport and create win/win solutions.

Isn’t that a more favorable way to work with others?